Hanuman lost his first tooth today. It was the same tooth that came in first when he was just about 4 or 5 months old. We are very excited. Hanuman insisted on wearing pajamas to bed because he did not want the tooth fairy to see him naked. Zephyr saw Hanuman holding his tooth and started crying because he wanted one too. He is a silly child.

Today is Zephyr's 2nd birthday. He's growing so fast and using language with great ease. I wish his father could have seen him. Zephyr is a daredevil and laughingly flings himself through the world without any regard to safety. He reminds me so much of Zochae. He loves to entertain Hanuman and I with his carefully crafted pratfalls. When Zochae and I first met, he was the same way. One day it was raining at the Renn fair and our walkway was very slippery. He went out there and fell on his ass. The first time was an accident, but he loved the response he got and continued to fall again and again until he was completely soaked with mud. After we married, I would tease him by telling him that I believed I had married a cartoon character. We always knew how to make everything fun. Even in the middle of his illness, we would laugh for hours over the awful and ridiculous symptoms produced by his chemo (think gastrointestinal stuff here). Sounds bad, but it kept us connected in a joyful way. He really knew how to get over himself. Wish he would have showed me how before he left.

It's been 2 months since Zochae died. People ask me how I'm doing all of the time. How do I respond? Do I tell them that I feel like I'm going to die of sadness? Do I try to explain that I feel like I have sandbags tied around my arms and legs and a perpetual fog in my head? Do I mention that it takes me 2 hours to decide what to fix for dinner and that I almost have panic attacks trying to get the kids fed while they wander around complaining about being hungry? Nothing is right without him. I know that this is what I must do, and so I go on. Things won't always be this hard and hurt this much.
I try to imagine Zochae as a disembodied spirit flying free through the universe. He had so much fun in his life, I bet he's having even more fun now that he's unencumbered by a body. Wherever you are, Zochae, I send you all of my love.
Martha

Hello dear friends,

Thank you to Andy and all the wonderful people who organized the goodbye moon benefit. It was so good to see everyone appreciating and admiring Zochae's artwork. He would have loved it!
The gallery at Town and Country mall is showing some of Zochae's work through the month of June. It's kind of a father's day tribute. There will be a party there on the 22nd.
In his last year, Zochae spent lots of time creating and maintaining beautiful aquariums and terrariums. These are inhabited by a variety of creatures, most of which I am reluctant to touch and have no idea how to care for. Is there anyone out there who would like to inherit any fish, frogs, lizards, aquariums, equipment, etc?

Dear Friends,
Thank you all for the love and support you've given to me and the boys in the last 2 weeks since Zochae's passage.
I've gotten so many calls from people who would like to help. I have a hard time identifying what help is needed. Mostly, I just miss my beloved husband. My sister and her kids have been staying with me, but are leaving today.
I've posted some events on the calender when I could use a helping hand with babysitting. I think anyone can add to the calender if they're able to help.
Tonight is Urban Nights. The people from BGH who rent space in the DVAC building on Jefferson street have let me set up a show of Zochae's work on the Fourth floor. It's a beautiful show and being in the room with his paintings feels just like walking into his embrace. BGH has told me that I can keep the paintings there for a while. So if you can't make it tonight, let me know and I can arrange for a private showing (that sounds kind of dirty doesn't it?).
Love, Martha

Zochae's spirit parted from his body on Friday May 4, 07. He died at Hospice surrounded by loving friends and family. His passage was very peaceful and gentle after a long painful struggle. We will have a memorial service on Wednesday May 8, 07 at 3:00 at Woodland Cemetery's Mausoleum. I miss him.
Martha

I have a correction to make, previously I had posted that I now had cancer in my leg and hip bones, this is not correct it was in my hip but not my leg that was a mis-underdtanding on my part and a mispost to boot. It is in the base of my spine. not that this changes many things for us. It dows help to explain some of the pain.

Prior to my last treatment my pain was better then with the last treatment some issues in my neck and sholders flaired up. Margrett worked on me friday and helped allot, this is now begenning to subside.... just in time to do it again this wed.

I'll keep you posted